Mental Health Matters: You Are Enough.
During the month of November, I took FMLA leave to address mental health struggles that were being triggered by the mounting pressure, stress and emotional investment of my workload.
As I write this, I can say that I feel anxious in even sharing that truth, but I know I am not the only one who has come to the intersection of, “If I don’t address this I am going to explode” and “I don’t want anyone to know and am afraid of how ‘they’ will view me as a professional”.
…I know I am not the only one who has come to the intersection of “If I don’t address this I am going to explode” and “I don’t want anyone to know and am afraid of how ‘they’ will view me as a professional.”
I also know that I am not the only one who’s spouse (or friends) had to look them square in the eye and say that my corporation will not be concerned if I breakdown tomorrow because I can be replaced. That’s not to say my team is without heart or genuine connection, but the reality is, I am replaceable from a business vantage point.
This particular work year has been challenging for a myriad of reasons and I chose to evaluate what the root cause of my challenge has been in order to best choose how to champion through my stressors instead of being beat up by them.
In my evaluation, I came to the conclusion that one self-belief, exacerbated by an environment that I couldn’t control, triggered a mental and emotional breaking point that I could no longer ignore.
That belief was: I’m not good enough.
I’ve worked diligently in my personal life to bust that myth and become firmly grounded in the truth of who I am. However, that little voice that likes to perseverate lies sometimes pops up in the areas that I don’t always guard myself against and can be disabling and disheartening.
Professionally speaking, I believe in excellence and I was raised to go the extra mile and work with killer instinct in the things I do.
I reached out to someone I respected and believed I could relate to for a mentorship conversation and before I could fully ask the questions I wanted to ask, they gave me a complete speech about what I needed to do in order to get to the place they assumed I wanted to go.
Their assumptions were incorrect, not based on direct observations and were inspired by conversations with another individual that was driven more by personal relationships than professional standards. And frankly, that shocked me. I course corrected our conversation and listened to the suggestions and input this person made and can say I walked away from the conversation not throwing the baby out with the bath water.
What that spoke to me in that moment was that no matter what I did professionally, what my quantifiable achievements were and the impact I had within my sphere of influence, I would never be enough to be invited to have a seat at the table.
It spoke to me that my vocal participation which was, in my mind, well-measured, relevant and accurate, was unwelcome and disqualified me for growth.
Partnering the feelings that conversation left me with and the personal encounters that have spoken insufficiency and inadequacy to me, became the straw that broke the already hot and tired camel’s back. I was struggling with the idea that feedback was either negative or none. That a call to action was viewed as a threat and therefore responded to with vague dismissals.
When you’re in an environment, any environment, that often renders you depleted, it is your responsibility, and your’s alone, to recognize that you can’t control the environment, but you can shift the internal conversation. And sometimes that shift requires you to take a minute to breathe, re-calibrate, seek professional counsel without shame or fear, reset your self-beliefs and re-strategize.
My constant aim is to be the best version of myself for my husband, my daughter, my family and friends, my colleagues and leadership and all those I encounter. I have felt the consistent decline in each of those relationships this work year.
As I evaluated, I read, cried, wrote and researched. I read an article the CDC published about how mental health impacts businesses and their employees. I resonated with the data that stated mental health issues impacted cognitive performance and physical ability. I would get off from work and crash instantly and find myself emotional about the smallest of happenings. My husband took a risk of love and told me it was time to take a break and go talk to someone.
l’m so grateful that he did and so glad I heeded his advice. I’m glad I listened to what my soul was saying and made it a priority to revive myself in gratitude, with acts of self-care and in a saturation of confidence in my achievements, abilities, ambition and general identity.
When you are committed to excellence and take pride in the products of yourself that you put forth daily, it can be easy to lose yourself in the roles you fulfill and hats you wear. My advice: don’t.
Fight with everything you have to hold true to who you are; the beauty and strength of who you are.
Remember that what you produce is an extension of the good + rich soil of your heart. If the soil has a few dry patches that need to be tilled, do it humbly and detached from any self-deprecating thought process.
Some will appreciate your harvest and some won’t. Be okay with that reality and don’t allow it to leach onto your beliefs about yourself in a way that is damaging.
Remember, not every table is one you’ll even want to sit at. There will be one, however, that is perfectly set for your presence.
Mental health issues, at any level, shouldn’t be ignored. They can be painful and challenging to work through. The impetus, if a result of a trauma or difficult chain of events, aren’t the most pleasant to navigate through.
But, you are worth the work and self-investment in making sure you are healthy, from the inside-out. Be mindful of the messages you are ingesting and digesting that impact how you see your imprint.
Most importantly, you are enough. You are a designer’s original and the impact and breadth of influence you have is unique to you. It’s okay to hold your head up and operate in that truth.
In Love + Truth,
MJK.
Mental Health Resources:
I have found that exercise (as simple as taking a walk), prayer, mediation, watching something funny, making sure your food intake is nutrient dense and void of inflammatory options and not isolating yourself from a community of people who love + need you is a great way to heal. The articles and resources below also offer helpful tips.
http://greaterdiversity.com/steps-companies-can-take-improve-mental-health-workplace/